"Some song I was writing" By Luis Porraz

I'm sitting here in darkness and I don't know what to do

The shadows are consuming me I wish I could get through

When I think it's over I keep thinking of you

What did you do, what did you do to me

Again and again I try to pretend your words are illusions

Trying to drown out your ways of causing intrusions

But I can't help me

But I can't help me

Sometimes I lose myself in you 

Never wanting to find a way back 

What stops me? what's holding me down?

These thoughts are like quicksand 

Swallowing every motion I make 

Suffocating each and every inch of my body 

Depression is the only branch in reach 

With sadness as my only savior 

I've lost all taste in this world 

Now all I have to savor are my memories 

Because the present and I are enemies 

So many things I tried to say 

But I'm always in a rush 

To get away from you 

Just know its not your fault and it will never be

The distances between us and it is a must 

To keep my sanity 

To dream my fantasies 

To miss my family 

So I can let you see

What's right with me

What's right with me

Where do we go when dreams die?

By Luis Porraz

Miraculous that they vanished

Just like my future I've been banished 

Tossed out to suffer in the cycle of hate 

With chains increasing in never ending weight 

There are no exits or expiration dates 

Darkness all over, hearing dreams cry themselves to death

Where it's possible to choke on air 

Gasping, asking for a quick slaughter 

Regrets come to life stabbing you 

With anguish, humility, and hopelessness 

Tears stay inside afraid to show weakness 

Never to evaporate, flooding your thoughts 

Heavy headed regretting ever asking "where do we go when dreams die?"

"You didn't see me when I was here, so how could you miss me when I'm gone" -Luis Porraz

Cast Away

By Luis Porraz

How would I know I'm not invisible when you aren't there to tell me

My words scream for help, only to hear the echoes again and again

Engulfed by the emptiness but prevent showing any sign

Corroding from the inside out knowing this problem is mine

It's ok, I'm fine, it's what I always say but you'll never know

Because when I did all I ever saw was merciless ridicule

All I ever heard laughter with certainty

All I ever felt was a lash from rejection

A subject for societies objection...

The Closest Stranger

By Luis Porraz

Remember all those games we used to play

Now you're nothing but a stranger

Everytime I see you now

All I register is danger

To you a friend's a task

You can always adapt with your liquid mask

You're the blade that cuts the veins of friendship

It's a shame I should've read the fine print

You were the patch on my favorite jacket that fell off

Now you avoid me too walking away with a fake cough

You can't see the scars but you can feel them when I talk

Now it's just your memory that takes me on a walk

It's just honesty, I understand go ahead and mock...

Message from the heart

By Luis Porraz

You thought I was missing! 

I hear these voices telling him he's empty

I'm sorry dear owner for sealing myself away

I wish it was different, I wish I could've stayed

This is how I react when I get betrayed

Not just once but over and over in life I got played

This time I was dying and as a reflex I became frozen

I became the numb you feel inside, invisible to yourself

I know you understand others yet aren't believed

So when you hear them you can never be deceived

You still go along knowing you'll get stabbed from behind

I would say please there is a cure for you to find

I wish I could fix it, but love's an incurable disease

Go on without me, you're what everybody sees

With love frozen in time,

Your heart that's one of a kind

Misunderstood is Music

By Luis Porraz

Any other musicians out there?

Alone, dreaming of music and drowning in melodies

These things are permanent like broken memories

With the curse to heal everybody but yourself?

Secluded, in fear of being used for such a blessing

Choking on the thought that they'll leave you guessing

Why do we become a tool for entertainment?

Fame, the only way we see a chance for survival

Sharing the fact that we're all the same but in denial

What a curse... What a blessing...

Just the thought has me stressing...

Two Halves

By Luis Porraz

To others my writing is guidance yet for me it is essential for survival. Even though I write/sing/cry out my emotions, it doesn't seem like enough. Is there such thing as a cure for this depressive madness? I miss my mom, I miss the dad I never had, I miss the siblings that were taken, I miss my friends, most of all I miss myself. It gets even worse when I'm told to choose a side between two friends because I can't, I choose both and I end up with them leaving. What kind of friend am I to agree with them, when will this end...

Letting Go

By Luis Porraz

Thoughts of wisdom traveled in the wind lifting my spirit and soothing my soul

The lack of knowledge helped me let go of the problems that I had manifested

The air had a scent filling my lungs with willpower and stamina to ensure I reached my goal

Beauty reflected on water as I stared unto thee, no longer to believe I was infected

Now I ask not why, but who was at fault for these events that occured

I knew it foolish to ask yet the answer came by emotion, here I thought it be described by words

Remember when you lie, you're accepted for what you're not. Why do you fear being seen for who you are? (Answer that and dwell on the thought long enough till you can't take it anymore but to show your true self)

Where am I?

By Luis Porraz

I'm traumatized

Haunted by the fact that I'm still alive

Everyday I feel like I'm a sacrifice

Writing confidently to cover these fears 

Tears scream hiding the anguish from torturous years

Ridiculed as a man showing such emotions

Crumbling inside to find a cure, a potion 

Nevertheless he is a continuous victim 

Fighting reflections and people trying to infect him

What does he do? there has to be a solution 

His life is aching, is death the only substitution?

Even the mask is losing the ability to pretend 

He's always running in his head, he hears the knife calling again

Writing is the only escape from this wretched reality

It's corrupting everything including his fantasy...

When I was a child I always wanted to fit in but I was like water flowing through the holes of their standards. Now that I know better, I am the water that is essential to survive and I was born with the right ammount. (Moral of this short story, don't let others take or contaminate your water)

Love Inbound

By Luis Porraz

Love is and asteroid, Earth bound

Until it makes an impact you won't hear a sound

So you fear the thought of it destroying you

It's not abnormal, it's something new

Wasteful Thinking

By Luis Porraz

I see your shadow crying telling me of your sorrow

Exposing your suicide attempt for the day to follow

We may not know each other but I'll want you here tomorrow

It'll be over, I promise! (I've already lost so many)

One day less, please don't worry (if it's beauty you've got plenty)

I cannot lose you too~

I don't know what I'd do~

We just got to make it through!

We live in a society where we pay attention to the label of a product instead of the ingredients... sometimes I hate that I know this because I want to change this, you know what one day I will. Be it that I do it on my own depends on who else sees this and is willing to change.

Drowned Dry

By Luis Porraz

What happens when their sorrow runs dry

Will their words float around broken and empty

Raspy with thoughts that drought other minds

Fragile enough to blow away with the wind

Not even a spec of this wishful dust lingers

Abandoned as a whisper not worthy to spread

Just like the artist who wrote it, who died in a riverbed

Uncontrolled

By Luis Porraz

I have known you forever, fortunately we just met

Love is such a mystery in which I can't forget

You don't know it yet but you've saved me

My path was a blur that you have set clear

There is synergy with you and I yet to be tapped into

When I gaze upon the stars I feel your touch

Caressing my soul with your very glance

What a surprise and not, at the same time

Because we're confused and certain that this is fine

Love is an indefinite question and solution

Love has a mind of its own...

If your words produced a shape and color, what would they be?

Untitled

By Luis Porraz

Your smile paints me yellow

Even broken I am mellow

Hello? Do I not exist

Are the clues of suffering to shallow

Do these hollow words hold no meaning

My eyes are sorry for forever dreaming

They see my body is violet

When you ask, I can't describe it

How far am I gone...

How far am I gone...

Or am I gone at all?

Raised Misfortune

By Luis Porraz

I'm trapped in a portrait of my lost family

How can I live when death is my only memory

These bloody waves crash on this ridged shore

Death is the excuse I have been longing for

Let us dance on our grave and watch our bodies rot

Laugh at cupid for lading such a crooked shot

I've misspelled love before, mistakes attack

Time wears a mask and I'm not going back

Backbone shatters with brittle sanity

This is the card destiny has handed me

If I could punch depression in the face, I would

Then I'd be a bully, now you know why I'm misunderstood

Constant contradictions rage within

I watch and wonder which will win

Exhausted by this world I'm living in

So I sit, type this tangent and sound like I'm giving in

Confusing myself because I cry with a happy grin

Speechless

By Luis Porraz

I feel funky, it's something new thanks to you

I feel drunk, on love the thing you give to me

I feel alive, you're pulse inside pumping through

I feel insane, believing in a myth you set free

I feel whole, the other half someone stole

But most of all you make me feel

The numb has ran away

If only my heart could speak

It wouldn't know what to say...

Jump to Our Death

By Luis Porraz

Miracles are facing extinction

Breaking points have reached a peak

Dreams continue to commit suicide

The ones that survive have to hide

Shattered internally, craving to live

Exchanging hope the only thing we have to give

Wishing on a long dead star, billions of miles away

No idea where we are, we group together and decay

The ground, our only comfort sinks

Running to a rooftop holding our breath

To fearful to even begin to think

With our last drop of faith, Jump to our death

Untitled

By Luis Porraz

There's a taste that's disgusting, dwelling deep within

Could it be a monster craving to commit a sin

Tainted spirit that was once clean, now wants to kill

Watch eyes turn back and enjoy every thrill

Still there is no satisfaction for this monstrosity

The very soul itself has been infected with animosity

Ludicrous for such a feeling spawning spontaneously

I hear the demon whisper "there is no spot here left for me"

A path appears showing me death is nothing to fear

Again this suicidal recital continues to fall nowhere near

Heartless has found a host, it chose me to live in infamy

Tragic to see good evolve into evil, but no one was there to see

Farewell reflection of a failure, may we never meet again

Don't even dare to smile because I know you love to pretend

With you here

By Luis Porraz

(Vanessa I miss you, even though it's been a few hours. It feels like days)

Everything is racing past my eyes

The ground fights the sky

Yet time stands still

An illness readies to make it's kill

Stabbing me with grief, do you feel it too?

Loneliness is dissecting every thought of you

Holding on to memories, they keep telling me

"If I take a step into the future it'll be the end of me"

We work in synchronicity, a balance of unity

Division is an absent enemy with you near

With you here, there is no such thing as fear

Only with you here my dear...

Did
     we
          f
           a
             l
              l,
                       And if so

                                      How f  r
                                               a

Was love worth it,
                            The scars we have

Was I foolish to believe and let you follow
                                                                  Love is a river of time

We can                    in it today

               Drown

                           And lose sight of our
                                                             tomorrow

-Luis Porraz

We live in a society where we find substitutions instead of solutions...

Where freedom is an illusion, being held by a noose head

The futher we get the tighter the grip

~Luis Porraz

Anywhere but Hell

By Luis Porraz

Her words had stricken his soul, with every breath reinforcing each memory to become permanent. How could he forget the way her tongue drew out those sharp words like a sword making it's kill. Yet no blood came out. He could've sworn he was injured but there was no wounds. He continued shaking as if he were going into cardiac arrest. His heart was withering away, falling to pieces that crumbled into nothing. That nothing began to crave a substitute. Unsatisfied with anything, it became a void. Darkness was born. The evil he swore wouldn't consume him became his only chance of survival. Every breath he takes burns from the intensity of the cold. Lungs black from frostbite, searching for warmth which he can no longer sense in such a cruel world. Where has he to go?

Last Smoke

By Luis Porraz

Leaning back on a concrete wall as I begin to reminisce

Thinking of our glory days while this cigarette and I kiss

Doing my best to smoke out our blissful memories

I remembered the way your eyes danced when observing me

As if a ballad of my life were prancing in your head

Will these images please turn real become solid for me to feel

As the nicotine and paper burns out along with these visions

Reality strikes back into motion and I am left standing in a valley alley

Watching the last fumes vanish with our untapped future passing

With no smoke left to inhale I begin gasping

Life blurs and I feel my last movement, collapsing

Truth or Lie

By Luis Porraz

Man, a word that haunts many men because they can't be described by image

Tough, the way they are presented to be like

Weak, something they aren't supposed to be like regardless of the situation

Superior, no just stupid enough to think so

Chivalrous, to know what it's like to follow instead of lead

Masculine, of course, they need to be so that they may protect their mate

Lady, the other half of this unstable creature

Never should they belittle or abuse a woman

Because if so, this is no man

What you have in front of you is a coward

Coping

By Luis Porraz

Time passes like a flash in the sky
The irrational I when I try to deny
That I don't need you by my... side
Self-taught suicide, I need my whole plate
I need my soul mate, I need you!
Buttons closing my soul's fabricated clothing
Without you I'm self-loathing...

Subliminal Love

When doctors said I was a lost cause, you sewed me back together

You make me feel this sense of forever, to me you are a miracle

I admit at first I didn't see it at all but only time tells you the answer

And mine? Mine was that you shine, brighter than 10 billion stars

My girlfriend, I actually have a girlfriend, as if I could hold the happiness which had dwelled deep within 

any longer

An explosion of chemicals caused a chain reaction in my synapses

She's the one, she's the one, she's definitely the one

I've fed myself this phrase before just to step into rejection

For once I had the balls to ask a girl out, oh my god, she said yes

I have to brag, I have to tag her on every picture on instagram

Hashtag, soul mate, shades of grey turned into day

You are the one that understands my nonsense as if it were our language

The language of love where no one but us knew what we said

Oh, I mustn't share for I wouldn't dare speak of what's in my head

My love, this is for you, the one that listens to one poem before going to bed